Dream of the Month (October 2012)
- Title: The Matchmaker
- Date of the Dream: 2012 (mailed Saturday, 29 September 2012)
- Dream: I am in a building like a high school cafeteria. There are rows of long tables, folding chairs and a stage at the front of the room containing many people. An older white haired man approaches me, saying he is a matchmaker and wants to help me find my match. I hesitate and tell him I'm really not interested. He is insistent and asks me about my romantic past. I begin to tell him about a man named Ryan whom I really loved and who broke my heart. I realize this place is one that Ryan and his friends frequent. I point out the table where Ryan sits to the matchmaker and he walks me over there. I protest, but he doesn't listen. We get to the other side of the room and a man is there with his back turned. I recognize it is Ryan and ask him why his back is turned. He turns around and I can see his eyes are teary. He tells me his brother has died. I hug him, comforting him and we talk awhile.
Ryan asks if he can come visit me. I know he is just trying to use me again and tell him I can't. I tell him I will always love him; that it took a long while to get over him. I tell him I know he'll never feel the same for me, and that I can't do this to myself anymore. I start to leave and notice the matchmaker is gone.
I go to my parents' house and walk into the dining room. The table is set with lots of food and the matchmaker is sitting there with my parents. I tell him I'm sorry for talking with Ryan so long and he tells me it is okay. Then I woke up.
- Significant life event: none
- Personal concerns/issues: I have been wanting to find a mate for awhile now but am having trouble meeting someone decent. I have been thinking about consulting a matchmaker for help.
- Associations: Ryan was the first and only man I ever truly loved but our affair was tempestuous and he never really loved me in return. It devastated me for awhile. I think this had a profound effect on my ability to love and trust again. I think the dream was telling me I need to heal any unresolved issues I have before I can love again.
- Category: None Apply
- Pen Name: Jessy
Dr. Holloway's Comments:
Striking Characteristics: Often banquets and cafeterias are metaphors for the dreamer's power to choose from among many options. What life experience is most pleasing and nourishing?
In order to visit romance, the dreamer needs to keep her promise (not to be exploited, even for love) and also to examine her history for the healing and revelations it can offer. Healing the past makes way for the future; understanding the patterns of the past allows us to trust ourselves to stay safe and whole, free from manipulation. Interestingly, Ryan starts right in crying about his own situation, and maneuvering to get the dreamer to provide solace and support. In an epic moment of sanity, she chooses not to be used. She discovers she can feel compassion without a response of self-abandonment. She offers love and understanding, witnessing his pain, but she chooses not to be harmed. The dream concludes by returning to her parents' home where a table has been laid with numerous choices, and where the matchmaker awaits. This suggests that she has numerous choices besides the one she has already explored; the bounty of the table is a metaphor for the enriching ways we can love and be loved. She may wish, however, to examine the programs from her parents' life, her early lessons in love, to see if she learned self-sacrificing instincts as a way of making things work well. When did it become automatic to place the needs of others at the top of her priority list, at considerable cost to her? Self-knowledge for the empathic heart is a ticket to freedom, and ultimately to love that works. This dreamer is making all the right choices, from a deep place in her spirit. She will have no trouble loving deeply; it is now time for her to learn she can love wisely as well.